Sunday, May 8, 2011


Okay, so I may have JUST realized that I had not yet wrapped up my captainly duties with a blog post… as if you needed any more proof that captaining the troops isn’t exactly my strong suit. Good thing turning nouns into verbs, adverbs and adjectives is though!

Anyhow, I am struggling to remember highlights of last week’s game a whole seven days later, but there are a few things I am sure of. It was a rainy cold night, we didn’t suck, Mike has some serious slip’n’slide skills, we got some solid hits, people crossed home plate, I did not successful break-up with Westfield by offing him with my foul ball, we won and Conner Voss is one sound sleeper! Craptaculious weather aside, I would say Chocolate Crack Thunder’s Monkeys Revenge looked good out there, way to go kids!

As the sprit hat of captainship passes to Voss Man tonight, I trust we will have a monkey of a good time with our usual thunderous showing on the field with all of its chocolatety revenge.

Oh yea, and one last thing… the next time you see Beef out make sure to get her some pineapple tequila, it is her favorite!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Captainship Assignments....

April 17- Mike
May 1- Liz
May 8- Vossman
May 15- Professor Vossman
May 22- Micki
June 5- Derek
June 12- Michelle Ryan
June 19- Doctor Cappa
June 26- Jamie
July 10- Big Poppa
July 17- Ann Voss?/Lisa Castang
July 24- Rick Raven
July 31- Glenneth vs. Nutz.

Postseason....we'll figure that out later. Discuss.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


It is has been a minute since we have had a post here. So I thought I would toss something up.

There will be grilling and there will be meat.....also I think there is a football game.

Stay tuned....


Monday, August 30, 2010

Thank you.

We finished in a tie for first. And by the current system of tiebreakers, and one horribly bad call by an umpire, we don't get jackets by two runs. Two...flipping...runs.

Our party is scheduled for October 23rd. Anyone who reads this, we hope you can come.

Glenn and I came up with this stupid name for a video game football team while we were in college. It was just a stupid reaction to a stupid monkey on a cereal box. It has evolved to so much more.

I'm incredibly proud of what the Crackmonkeys have become. We have friends and alumni throughout the country, and we all still stay in touch. When Glenn and I first put together a softball team, we just wanted to be competitive, but make sure enjoying each other's company was priority number one. I think we've continued to do that.

Like any other family, there have been squabbles. There have also been, and will continue to be, lifetime friendships.

I have a tattoo on my left hip of the Crackmonkeys "CM" logo. It's not because of the fact that I play softball with a bunch of people who I like. It's because the people who I like, care about, and have helped me become the person I am, also play softball. Many are no longer in Champaign-Urbana, but I think the Satkuses, Walls, Campbells, and many others know that they were a part of a really unique thing, and one that created a loving and nurturing atmosphere.

Our current team was a unique one. By the end of the year, every player on the field enjoyed the company of women. Who would have thought that would happen. Well...probably Glenn.

As the defacto captain over the last 8-9 years of both our volleyball and softball teams, I want to say thank you to all of the people who have played. It has meant the world to me. More than I can ever really articulate. It has been my constant. I could always count on this group of people to be there, week in, and week out. Not just for the game, but for friendship, for a shoulder to cry on, for support.

So I say thank you. You all have touched me in an important and lasting way. You have helped me survive. You have helped me thrive. And you have made me laugh, and live.

We have won multiple volleyball titles over the years. We won one official softball championship, tied for another, and have countless 2nd and 3rd place finishes. We have countless friends and lasting relationships. That will always be the most important.

I don't know what comes next for the Monkeys in any official capacity. If someone else wants to take the reigns, so be it. Just let me know. We will continue to function as a hellaciously fun social group.

Again, I thank all of you for your years of participation.


Sunday, August 22, 2010

One down, one to go

Ok, so I just realized that I had not yet done the summary from last week. I won the spirit hat for "taking someone out". It did not look as bad ass as the picture but I can pretend.
I'm struggling to remember what even happened in the game. I know it was a high scoring game----game summary:
We had a big inning, they had a big inning, we had another big inning and then they scored a few more runs. Crackmoney victory!
I know that Glenn had a homerun as he always does. Adam played the role of Alex Voss splendidly. A game highlight was when he turned to throw the ball to Michelle at 2nd and she was no where to be found. She was so amazed by his fielding that she was frozen in her spot. Lisa made some great catches in LC despite the BLAZING sun. Stacey rocked the Captain and Polar Pop in the dugout. I prefer Captain and rum myself. Macy became a more vocal Crackmonkey and cheered for us by name!
I know we had a ton of hits and I know I'm forgetting important accolades. Let's just end on a high note tonight!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I've been very slow with these updates

and I have fined myself, don't worry.

Last weekend, the Crackmonkeys earned sole possession of first place in the regular season with an 8-5 victory over a very solid team. All 8 runs were scored in the first inning, which gave us a good start, but left some of us worried in the last couple innings.

I think just about everyone had solid hits in the first, and then we got complacent. I earned the spirit hat because I ran around a lot, and injured my knee, and then cried about it. Rick could have received it for his pitching. Michelle R for multiple solid hits. Micki did a dance at 3rd that had me excited as manager, as she caused an error AND scored, but it also turned me on in my pantaloons. And Glenn played RF. (Which he will be doing again tonight, sorry Glenn)

Combine that with an Astronutz victory, and there we are, alone in first. But we have unfinished business. Take care of things over the next two weeks, and we'll have a great party. So we start with a tough battle with the Astronutz tonight. We will be ready, and we'll be Monkeys...fighters, flinging poo.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Yep we pumped them up....

The Crackmonkeys racked up another win this past weekend.

The guys and gals of Gold's Gym put up a solid effort, but this time our training and
conditioning paid off. Their immaculate pectorals and washboard abs were not enough
to withstand the withering onslaught of our monkey and Capt. Morgan powered bats.

All in all a fine defensive outing on our part. Lots of people made excellent plays.

Highlights for me included:
  • Alex pitched a gem of a game. He was gobbling up balls......err...He did a damn fine job of fielding!
  • Big D was doing yeoman's work, digging our lousy short-stops errant throws out of the dirt.
  • Micki was making sure that 3 rd base was appropriately named the "hot corner".
  • Lisa did a fine job of filling our Michelle hole (has anyone else noticed how this season we went from like, a billion Michelle's, to like one?).
  • Beef was bringing much sound and fury to the plate.
  • Tony made a catch that almost gave Cation a heart attack.
  • Lil' D brought the funk back to left field.
  • Liz got the game winning hit and Tony provided the leg to put Gold's out of their misery.
  • Cation yelled at me for something at some point in the game.
Also a couple of special shout outs. First to Stacey on celebrating her 29th birthday*, and thanks for the lovely gift I received. I will wear them with pride and possibly a cape. Secondly to Mr. Gold's Gym left fielder; lay off of the "supplements", you were looking a little restive out there my good man.

Thanks to our subs for rocking it again.

On to next week and another victory!


Michelle Ryan is an odd bird.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Swan dive into the best hungover game of your life...

So with Captain Cation’s blog stamp of approval and with a name listed under contributors, I feel special and ready to post…

It started off as a simple enough weekend away, with a beer boot shared amongst friends and polka lessons for all… but with 250 miles under our belt and one bar crawling dream to tackle, 20 (-ish) Crackmoneys new, old & honorary set off to hit up 20 bars Monkey style. Somewhere around bar 17, a second generation Monkey announcement and this picture (added soon, having some problems uploading), things get a little hazy…but I do believe it is safe to say that the Crackmonkey imprint as been left on the greater downtown Madison area and its people. Also, before I get to the game re-cap task at hand, let me say a big congratulations again to the Webb-Voss family that will be growing by ten fingers and ten toes soon enough!!

It was another great showing by the Crackmonkeys on the field on Sunday, especially seeing as a lot of us felt like flung poo. I believe I speak for everyone when I say that Lil D set the winning tone with that amazing, twisted, damn near the warning track, thievery of a catch out in right center in the 1st inning. Even the “ref” was impressed with that one.

Other highlights include (in no particular order):

  • Micki’s awesome double, followed by a great lead off, followed by an “oh sh*t” moment, followed by a slide back into second, followed by a bloody knee. This of course, didn’t stop her!
  • I am pretty sure there are some homerun claps to pass out as well. Scot made sure to leave the Crackmonkeys wanting more and Alex showed his gene pool is slugger worthy. ****HOMERUN CLAPS****
  • And an all around great showing at the plate from everyone.

Now please don’t quote me on the highlights or lack there of. By the way, so SORRY to anyone I might have missed, you can hit me later. This brings me to my next point…

Something that won’t be found on the Sportcenter’s Top 10, but still worth mentioning, for pointing and laughing purposes, would be my clock to the head… inflicted by a bat I was holding myself. But hey, seeing as I actually got a good hit for once after that, feel free to clobber me before all batting in the future. And it might have been the hit to the head, but I am fairly certain that Derek came back from their weekend wedding anniversary trip with a new Indiana accent… I had no idea the Taco Bell dog was from Indy. I kid, I kid! Overall, it was a GREAT game, played by a bunch of really great people! I’m honored to be a crackmonkey! As for this coming Sunday, make sure to run out to GNC this week and get whatever that angry man is yelling about in their radio commercials that makes you gain 10 pounds of muscle mass in 10 days, because we are playing Gold’s Gym at 6:15 kids! GOOOOO MONKEYS!

Now raise your frosty glasses and cheers to Scot and Michelle on what is sure to be a great, new and exciting adventure for them off to the East Coast! As bittersweet as it may be, let’s send them off right tonight! Shots anyone?? ; )

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Under the wire...

So, I hope no one is feeling like this after last night. Yes, I'm just NOW updating the blog. Mike threatened me with harsh punishment if I did not get it in before the game. It's 7pm, we play in one hour...just in time.
Yeah, I don't remember the game last week. After 22 bars last night I think I've destroyed any living brain cells. I do know that we won the game, I got the spirit award, I struck out swinging....the rest fades away in my pickled head. Oh wait....Mike STOLE my dining out decision. I do remember that.
Last night was a blast.....this game should be fun. See you all in 30 min!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Well, poop.

OK, so the long and short of it, mostly short of it, was that we lost on Sunday night. There were some bright spots, namely the first appearance of the newest "second generation" Crackmonkey, Tyler Cappa, and the wonderful rice krispie treats that he and Macy made for us. Kidding aside, we were certainly happy to have the whole Cappa family in attendance so quickly after the birth, and it's especially nice to know that everything went smoothly for them.

As for the game, there were some errors, and the hitting wasn't up to our normal level, and unfortunately, it came in a game against the second place team. They've moved in to first place with tiebreakers, so we've got some work to do to get back on top. It starts in two weeks.

Which brings up a question that Glenn and I debated before going out for a drink on Sunday. If you have to lose, how would you rather lose? In a game where you can't seem to do much right, string together hits, have some errors, like we did on Sunday. Or a game where you play your best, and just get beat by 1. Glenn contends he'd rather lose like we did on Sunday, I'm much happier if the team plays well and up to the standards, and if you're bested, so be it.

What do you think?

The Fourth is coming up this week, and hopefully nobody shoots their eye out. We've also got Alex's 30th coming up, and the Crackmonkey Madison Bar Crawl.

Also, a special shoutout to Lil' D, who is celebrating her 18th birthday this Friday night. Don't do anything stupid, Lil' D! :)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Upcoming Events that we'd like you to be a part of:

July 10th weekend- Alex voss 30th birthday party! There will be drinking and camping.

July 17th weekend- Glenn Westfield Memorial Bar Crawl. In Madison.

date TBD- Going away party, Scot and Bav.

August 21st- Mahomet Half Marathon, aka the Crackmonkey Marathon.

Anything else that I'm missing?

Friday, June 11, 2010

I really didn't forget...

...I just didn't have Mike Cation yelling at me at work to write my game recap. Okay, I DID forget until last night. It was a memorable game, though, and I think I can recall the best parts.

It was another glorious Crackmonkey victory, as our undefeated season continues. Our rivals? Seven Saints - home of fantastic sweet potato fries and ranch dressing. We were without Jamie, who was at the top of the Empire State building. Also, Captain Mike Cation was notably absent, but no one knows exactly where he was. North Carolina? Tennessee? Has anyone heard from him? Have his cats killed Liz yet?

I don't remember the score but we were one run shy of the 15-run rule. True to form, things were close until...well, the second inning, when we scored nine (I think) runs and ran away with the game. And despite the searing rays of sun that blinded us in the field, our defense was especially strong.

  • Tony made some amazing catches. I'm not even sure that he could see the ball, but he was there and made it look easy.
  • Micki turned a double play with yours truly.
  • Alex again faced Bob, his nemesis in blue. He remained cool under the pressure and the duo even shared a few laughs. Well, Bob laughed and Alex was polite. Everyone is afraid when Bob is friendly.
  • Beef nearly took down the fence in a valiant attempt to catch a foul ball.

Other game highlights:

  • No one brought dessert OR rum, but we muddled through somehow.
  • Glenn hit a grand slam, hurting his knee at 1st when he missed the bag and lurched backwards to tag it. I batted next and Friendly Bob said, "Kind of a hard act to follow, eh?" Yes, he sure is. (Bob really does make me nervous.)
  • Liz hit a smash to left field!
  • Little D walked an awful lot. She's sure doing her part to fund a GREAT post-season party!
  • Tony stretched a double into a triple thanks to 3rd base coaching from Derrick. He genuflected going into 3rd and popped up again with the greatest of ease.
  • I was robbed of two pretty decent hits by their 6'5" shortstop, pictured below:

And that's why Stacey gave me the Spirit bar choice for the evening was the ever-popular Esquire. We needed (1) food (dumplings!!) and (2) a TV to watch the Blackhawks' game. Beef also provided us with an interesting drinking strategy, as she poured soda into her PBR. I guess that makes it palatable?

This Sunday's game is at 6:15!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you...

Stacey here... I've hijacked Micki's Blogger account to bring you this long overdue recap. To be honest, I don't really remember that much about the game (I am just a sub, after all...), but I do know we rattled some bats!!! And, I was very excited each time I made it on base. The poor Astronutz should have tried some of the MAGIC JAPANESE COOKIES before the game... I fully credit those for our mercy-rule win.

What is more fresh in my mind... the 2010 Crackmonkey Memorial Day Jell-O Shots Bag Tourney Meat Fest (or CMDJSBTMF for short)! Thanks, Alex, for hosting another swell party. And thanks, Mike, for carrying me in the bags tournament. Lizaster, keep workin' for the weekend, babe! :D

Monday, May 17, 2010

Bee-cause we are awesome

Another Sunday and another win for the Crackmonkeys. There were so many spectacular plays it is hard to pick one out in particular, though Dr. Campbell's spectacular catch in the out field is high on the list.

In general though, everyone played well. It was a solid game against a good team.
Everyone deserves a round of applause, especially the Crackmonkey graduates for 2010 Single T and the Stack.

And not to be forgotten I got stung by a bee. So all is good.

For the record, I am not allergic to bees. That is good to know and a nice tidbit for the future.

Next week the Astronutz are up. Normally I would not say such a thing, but we need to crush us some aeronautically themed nuts next week.


Saturday, May 15, 2010

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Where's the Beef

WARNING: watch the video first for the recap of how we started off the game!!!

this post is dedicated to those MIA this week- jamie, webbie, single T, bavs (i think that covers it, but please forgive me if i have missed anyone)

these boots are made for walking, walk like an egyptian, walk this way, i walk the line, walk like a man, walk on, walk on by, walk it out, long walk home, we walk, walk don't run, walk of life, walk idiot walk, walk the dinasaur, walk hard, walk on the wild side, walk on water, the walk, let's take a walk... anyway, you get the point.

other highlights included, but were not limited to: some great streches at 1st by chelray, an amazing catch and throw by little d, solid outfielding all around by alex, tony and liz-aster, an amazingly pitched game by our little mikey, derek buttering up the ump, all glenn wanted for his birthday was a pair of lesbians and instead he got a stinking homerun!!!!

3-0, holla! go monkeys!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

2-0, that's a winning streak!

First, "I'd like to apologi, to the fan" (from Sammy Sosa after corked bat incident) for the delayed post. I put myself on double-secret probation for the offense, thus making me ineligible for the spirit award until Webby returns to play again after the All-Star break.

Great win in our first true test of the season. Any game against a team with softball pant wearers will be constituted as a test. Gotta love the bats coming through in crunch time. Special props to all the runners, the birthday girl, and those who doen't believe in sleep for putting the Monkeys first and ignoring aches, pains, and nausea. Strong effort from Scot at the plate and in the field. We'll do our best to have oxygen in the dugout for the next game. Lastly, props to everyone in the field for flashing some leather and holding a strong offensive team to 4 runs.

In the spirit of playoff hockey, I'm treating my pitching while Bob is umping as a 7 game series. Right now, series is tied 1-1 after, what I call, a convincing shutout. I'm confident I'll grab home ice back after game 3. To commemorate my ejection last season, I thought I'd provide a video of what I think is the ejection of all ejections. I hope you enjoy.

Monday, April 26, 2010

New Season

With the start of a new season, it is generally customary for the veterans to share useful tips with then newcomers.

So in an attempt to save you some fines, here is an instructional video:

See you all next Sunday.

Monday, April 19, 2010

One big win in the books....

Our first game is now in the books, and this is your Captain speaking. I'm honored to have received the spirit award for not having legs that responded the way I expect them to. More about that in a minute.

The game got off to a pretty slow start. It took the Monkeys 3 innings to get the bats in order, as we were as cold as the weather, as evidenced by our 3 fans in the picture. The Treehuggers took a 3-nothing lead based on Mike's inability to play with a small ball in his hand, and a couple of solid hits for them.

Eventually, things began going our way. Alex hit the team's first home run of the year...Michelle Ryan made multiple good plays on defense, including a lunge/fall to tag someone out at first...Derek Houston tried to direct traffic in the outfield from his unusual spot at second, which looked like he was giving a Micki special to some...

Eventually, we had a 20-6 victory. For yours truly, it was an eventful one. After pitching 3 innings with mixed success, I went to the outfield to try my hand out there. So, I had run 13 miles on Saturday night (Lookatme!), and was still a little tired from a long few days. There was a ball hit to short left, and I sprinted towards it. I knew that running through it, I couldn't catch it. So I decided to dive. Unfortunately, what should have been a lay out that looked like a slide ended up with my knees just catching the ground and me sprawling on the ground, because my knees and calves didn't want to push off. As a result, this morning, I've got one lumpy right knee, because of the massive bruise. Brilliant.

Also, in what I believe to be a first in Crackmonkey softball, I intentionally got an out to end the top of the 6th inning, with the score 20-6. It was cold and windy, everyone wanted to go home, and despite having ducks on the pond, I hit a two bouncer back to the pitcher, on purpose, so we could start going home.

All in all, a successful game, and something to build on for next week, when we're shorthanded once again.

Lots of love.

El Captain

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Please post the games you won't make in the comments section here.

Or, if you can, on the actual schedule itself, which would be really helpful!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A new season is nearly upon us:

We start in just over one month.


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Great time in Vegas......

One of these two people was seen at a poker table this weekend. The other was my roommate for the weekend. You choose.

Back from Vegas after a terrific weekend. Very happy to have been able to share some quality time with Julia, Leigh, Louis, Kalleen and Boom Boom. We had some great experiences, including a night at Moon in the Palms, great gambling, and yes, our first real celebrity sightings in all of our trips. Thanks to a celebrity poker tournament being held at the Venetian, we saw Tito Ortiz, Joanna Krupa, Jason Alexander, Christian Slater, and yes, Donnie Wahlberg from New Kids. And yes, Leigh did indeed get a kiss from him. It was a magical moment for her.

For me, I got to watch the Poker Stars North American Poker Tour event at the Venetian from the rail. For me, it was amazing to be able to stand a foot behind guys like Greg Raymer, Barry Greenstein, and Daniel Negreanu, and figure out what they're doing, and what the others at the table. They're consistently making correct decisions, which is why playing poker is clearly a game of skill.

This was evidenced in the poker tournament that Louis and I played in on Friday morning. I played pretty well, I thought, but just got unlucky. I had a guy dead to rights after reading him well, and he got lucky and hit a card. Later on, he essentially crippled me, and then Louis knocked me out of the tournament, mercifully. But I was most happy about the fact that I made good calls, and good reads, and I think I'm getting better overall.

We also ate some spectacular buffet meals, and if I can, I'd like to make a recommendation for anyone planning a trip out there to stay at the Rio. It will be well worth your time. The rooms are huge, the buffet is great, and there is a shuttle to and from the strip. Well worth it.

Now, I'm back at work, and the grind is back on. 2 tennis matches and a basketball game this weekend. Baseball is around the corner. It's all good.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


The Crackmonkeys need to develop a curling team.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Pre-Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

Just wanted to give you a look at what you can borrow for the upcoming party.

Any takers?